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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887920">The chains are the easy part.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisaleth/pseuds/allmagiccomeswithrice'>allmagiccomeswithrice (bisaleth)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Coda, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:06:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,343</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887920</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisaleth/pseuds/allmagiccomeswithrice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Maul finds Obi-Wan on Tatooine and sees that he is not the Jedi he once was.  Revenge would mean nothing, like this.</p><p>In other words, if Kylo Ren got a redemption arc then so should Maul.  FIGHT ME</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Obi-Wan Kenobi/Darth Maul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wanted to redeem Maul somewhat, without messing with the rest of the canon too much.  So this is going to be something like a...canon-adjacent fix-it.  Also some ObiMaul vibes, who knows</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I will mend this old wound.</em>
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><div class="">
<p></p><div class="">
<p></p><div class="">
<p></p><div><p>Obi-Wan truly meant it.  The bad blood between himself and Maul used to feel sharp and enflamed, but so much time has passed since last they fought, and that time has given them both enough grief to weigh it down.  Now, seeing Maul felt nothing but heavy and exhausting.  Unnecessary, even.  This is why Obi-Wan had hoped Maul would not come, but he can see now that it was an inevitable meeting.</p></div><div><p>Across the campsite, Maul sighed. Of all the things he expected to see, this had not been in the running.  The old man in front of him only resembled the Obi-Wan Kenobi he spent so long obsessing over.  It was both disappointing and pathetic, and he sneered at his long-time enemy. "Look what has become of you.  A rat in the desert."</p></div><div><p>Unable to prevent his old habit, Obi-Wan quipped back, "Look what I have risen above."</p></div><div><p>With every moment that passed, Maul could feel his exhaustion leaking out further.  "I've come to kill you, but perhaps it's worse to leave you here, festering in your squalor."</p></div><div><p>Normally, Maul would circle his prey, intimidating him until the battle began, but many things were different this time.  Whether he kills Kenobi here or leaves without his life, nothing will have changed in the grand scheme.  So instead, sits down by the fire, carefully watching Kenobi's every move.</p></div><div><p>"If you define yourself by your power to take life - a desire to dominate, to possess -, then you have nothing."</p></div><div><p>And perhaps he was right.  It sickened Maul to think like that.  His old master took everything from him, the life he could have lived on Dathomir with his people, the life of his brother, his clan.  Maul learned many things from his experiences, but one that stuck with him the most was that if he didn't have that power, then someone else did. And Maul was so, so tired of other people using that power when he had nothing.</p></div><div><p>He wondered, briefly, <em>how else was one meant to define oneself?  How did Kenobi define himself?  </em>The thought made him growl in frustration, as he was sure no answer would be forthcoming.  "And what do <em>you</em> have?"</p></div><div><p>It takes only the slightest of hesitation on part of Obi-Wan for Maul to begin to piece it together.  Obi-Wan may have aged and changed a fair deal, but Maul still knew every micro-expression - even the smallest glimpse of a movement could mean something, and Maul was no fool.  "Why come to this place?  Not simply to hide."  Obi-Wan was many things, but a coward would never be one of them.  "Oh...you have a purpose here.  Perhaps you are protecting something?  No.....protecting <em>someone</em>."</p></div><div><p>Obi-Wan now had his lightsaber in hand, but did not activate it, as Maul had not drawn his own lightsaber.  Instead, Maul simply continued to sit, this new understanding of the situation not affecting his demeanor in the slightest.  Knowing Maul, it wouldn't be a stretch to assume he was playing a long game, but Obi-Wan very sincerely did not want to fight unless needed.</p></div><div><p>Maul observes the lightsaber in Obi-Wan's hand, focusing.  It wouldn't be any kind of difficulty to rile up Obi-Wan and get the fight he came for.  He knows where that would lead, though - he can feel the thread of past events leading to it, telling him he should.  It wouldn't be satisfactory, of course, but it's clear that getting his revenge was never on the table to begin with.  Dying by Obi-Wan's lightsaber would be somewhat appropriate.  No one else has earned the right to it.</p></div><div><p>Slowly, Maul's attention wavers to the fire, reaching out through the Force to feel for anything that doesn't lead to that.  Paths upon paths branch out through the galaxy in black and white, every possibility more doomed than the last until he pulls himself out of it to find that Obi-Wan has put away his lightsaber and sat properly across from him, watching him carefully.</p></div><div><p>Obi-Wan squints, as if rejecting the solution to a puzzle, because of how unbelievable the answer is. "You've changed a great deal since last we saw each other.  What do you intend to do?"</p></div><div><p>Maul doesn't look up, his expression of agony and anger conflicting with exhaustion and longing. "I cannot have peace until my revenge has been satisfied, but you will not grant me that. Your death would mean nothing now, and the one I want to kill the most is not fated to die by my hand."</p></div><div><p>Never did Obi-Wan expect to hear Maul sound defeated, no matter what happened.  When all purpose drains from someone so driven by the dark side and filled with hatred, all that can be left is the suffering.  It is then, that Obi-Wan understands why Maul came to him.  To flip a coin on revenge and death.</p></div><div><p>Acute sympathy washed over Obi-Wan, though he pushed it down as far as he could.  Maul had done so many horrible things, and those were all choices that were made, not situations he was forced into.  Still, Obi-Wan had grown past much of his resentment, and Maul must be a being capable of good as well as evil.</p></div><div><p>Obi-Wan had certainly gone through enough to know how close the light and the dark truly were.</p></div><div><p>Maul had gone through enough to know that as well, having fallen into a relatively neutral position in the Force.</p></div><div><p>Neither of them wanted to fight, anymore.</p></div><div><p>"I will stay on Tatooine."  Maul interrupts their mutual silence.  "If I cannot have my revenge, then I will watch over the one who will get it for me.  The chosen one <em>must</em> fulfill his destiny."</p></div></div></div></div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Bro, I have no idea how the Force works</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>It's what goes on in the mind that's hard.</em>
</p><p></p><div>
  <p>Obi-Wan has trusted Maul a great deal for quite a good number of years, now.  Of course, this is only in the sense that he trusts Maul to always walk the path of the dark side.  It was never in doubt.  Where they stood has been a solid place for so long that Obi-Wan now has no idea what to do with this Maul who has broken the cycle.  Well, somewhat broken the cycle.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The Force offered little insight on Maul's decision, and Obi-Wan doesn't know what to make of him anymore.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Certainly, Obi-Wan can't trust him like before.  Where used to lay the safe confidence that Maul's intentions were deeply twisted by violence, now stands the possibility of something else.  An endless stream of questions without answers piled themselves up;  <em>Would Maul truly be satisfied with only the death of the Emperor?  Could he be intending to kill Luke, to take away my hope for a better galaxy?  Does he think he can catch me off-guard?</em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>None of it seemed to add up.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Regardless, Obi-Wan decided that he'd better keep an eye on Maul.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>As the twin suns rose, Obi-Wan insisted that Maul return with him to his home.  Better there than Maul being unsupervised in the vicinity of the chosen one.  He didn't expect Maul to agree, but he did.  In fact, Maul agreed immediately and without any fuss.  It was unnerving and quiet.  The way back was equally so, and when they got to Obi-Wan's home and he presented a place for Maul to rest, there was no response received.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Maul was sat on the cot he was provided, blankly staring at nothing.  This wasn't meditating - it was something similar, and far less healthy.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Hesitantly, Obi-Wan reached out the smallest bit with the Force, to feel for Maul's presence.  It was a lot more muted than it had been a few hours ago, but he could sense also that Maul was a lot more vulnerable now.  A lot less defenses, though the few that were up held stronger than ever before.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Plenty attempts at actual conversation had failed, and this situation was too risky and the stakes too high for him to simply leave Maul to his devices without knowing why he shut down.  Testing his luck, Obi-Wan pushed further through Maul's mind.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Most things were off-limits.  Even in this odd state, Maul's mind was clearly awake and aware of what was happening, and Obi-Wan quickly surmises he'd be unable to pry anything from him if it wasn't willingly given.  The only thing he could gleam from his mind was his emotional state, which was projected and easily communicated.  It was a highly unpleasant sensation, all too familiar, in fact.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Obi-Wan did not want to know anymore.  Letting go of the connection, he staggered slightly at the emotional whiplash.  His hands shook, his breath unsteady.  Since he was a child, Obi-Wan had been taught to make peace with the universe and his inability to fight against it meaningfully when things were unfair.  It took a long time for the message to get to him, so long in fact, that he sometimes wondered if his struggles with this might've played a part in Anakin's fate.  Decidedly, he could not wonder for long without forgetting the lesson.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>It was clear that Maul never received such a lesson.  Maul had been taught to use his anger at injustices as a weapon to use against anything and anyone in the way, which couldn't lead to any good coping mechanisms for all he'd been through.  The feelings that Obi-Wan sensed from Maul had been deeply hopeless.  It was impossible for Maul to exact revenge upon the Emperor, and that fact robbed him of all the meaning he'd ever been given.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Maul."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>...</p>
</div><div>
  <p>No response.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Time for a different approach, then.  Obi-Wan grabbed his comlink before walking back over to Maul, handing it over.  "Isn't it high time you contacted your 'apprentice' and informed him that you decided <em>not</em> to kill me this time?  I'm sure he would be quite relieved to hear from you about it, after he left in such a state."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Finally, Maul grunted quietly in acknowledgement, seeming to come back into his body as he blinked at the comlink in his hands.  Of course, his apprentice.  It would take time to get his trust back after what he pulled to get here, but he could do it.  If nothing else, Maul knows he can at least out-manipulate most people.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>With that, Obi-Wan nodded and politely sat across the room to give him space without leaving him alone to make the call.</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Passion, yet serenity.</em>
</p>
<p>Things had been oddly peaceful in the following days.  Maul mostly kept to himself, although it also wasn't exactly unusual for him to lash out.  Living with someone you've been obsessed with killing for so many years will do that, but he wanted to let go of it.  Not because of any desire for harmony, of course- it was because he had a much more important revenge to exact, and a solid plan on how to attain it, which happened to include living with Obi-Wan.</p>
<p>Living with someone you're obsessed with can be highly irritating.  It was one thing to keep Obi-Wan in his subconscious mind at all times, driving him to do better, to stay alive, to fight until he could see him again and kill him, and it was another thing entirely to actually be in the presence of his obsession nearly every moment, waking or not.</p>
<p>Something about the situation felt either suffocating or liberating, and there was no determining which one it was.</p>
<p>There's no telling what one of them might do if the other turned his back.  Although, grabbing Luke and fleeing the planet would certainly be among the most likely candidates.  Maul had certainly considered it.  Training the chosen one who would someday kill Sideous wouldn't be a bad way to get revenge.  But he already has an apprentice, and he won't discard Ezra the same way that he himself was discarded by his own master.  Even if Ezra does have some hesitance in accepting him, doing that to him is simply not a viable option.</p>
<p>No, Maul will have to settle for following through with his original plan.  Even if it is a little miserable.</p>
<p>At least the hunting and sparring were nice.</p>
<p>As those days turned into weeks, Maul gradually discovered a number of unnerving facts; the most of which had to do with the cognitive dissonance between how he'd decided Obi-Wan was and how he actually was.  Disgusting as he found it to be when he first began to realize this, the truth was that by allowing Obi-Wan to haunt his life, he'd created a ghost of him.  Somewhat of an echo of highlighted features, strengths and weaknesses.  Of course he'd never had a chance to defeat a phantom.  This was a grave miscalculation that he intended to rectify.</p>
<p>If Maul wanted to defeat Obi-Wan once they've dealt with Sideous, then he would first have to put them on equal footing.</p>
<p>So, several months after they began living together, Maul decided to use the cool down after a spar as an opportunity.  "Where do you go when we fight?"</p>
<p>Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow.  This was the first time Maul has tried to engage him in any conversation beyond the necessary in their time together.  "I seek stability through the Living Force and allow it to guide my movements."</p>
<p>Maul growled, igniting his lightsaber to take a single swipe at Obi-Wan, who quickly jumped out of reach.  "You dodge quite a lot for a man so <em>forthcoming</em>, Kenobi." Upon saying this, Maul deactivated his lightsaber and returned to the rock he'd been sitting on.  "Are you perhaps remembering the first time we fought and I killed your master?  Does it make you reconsider allowing me to live?"</p>
<p>It didn't take long for Obi-Wan to settle back down as well, though he never dropped guard.  "Sometimes, in the back of my mind, perhaps.  Killing you now, however, would only perpetuate an unpleasant cycle of anger and grief.  Revenge may be your answer to loss, but I will never let it be mine."</p>
<p>With a deep breath, Maul processed his gut reaction before he could allow himself to respond. <em>Remember the goal.</em> "I should have known.  <em>There is no emotion, there is peace. </em> Pretending you never felt loss to begin with.  Although I haven't figured out how you suppress it- your feelings are quite powerful.  If you'd decided to use them, I doubt you would have had trouble defeating whichever opponent it is you see when we fight.  Tell me, is it that much worse to <em>feel</em> loss than it is to be haunted by visions of past mistakes?"</p>
<p>Despite them being only a few feet apart, Obi-Wan was quite far away.  It was indeed true that he was going somewhere else when they sparred.  "Being defeated by an opponent is not what I'm seeing."</p>
<p>
  <em>Failing him is.</em>
</p>
<p>The arrogance of thinking he could train Anakin despite the council's warnings.  The ignorance of thinking he could simply tell Anakin not to make attachments, even though attachments had already been made.  Anakin was not born into the code, he was forced to adjust to it, rigidly.</p>
<p>Obi-Wan can see clearly that Maul's malice has died down.  Now, more than ever, the yellow eyes remind him how rigidly emotionless ideals have hurt those he most wanted to see thrive.</p>
<p>This brings home a concept that has been slowly building since they began living together;  regardless of all they'd done to each other, Obi-Wan didn't want to fail him like he did the rest of the universe.  It felt as though the Force must have led them here, to meet one another again and to prove that harmony is still an option.</p>
<p>Nodding slightly to that thought, Obi-Wan stood, holding out his hand toward Maul.  There was no actual expectation of said hand being taken, but it had to be done.  "Loss doesn't need to define us- even if we don't know what's left after it's gone."</p>
<p>Maul reached back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.</em>
</p><p>It took Maul a while to make substantial progress in repairing his relationship with his apprentice.  In all likelihood, the feat was only managed because of his willingness to occasionally leave Tatooine and assist the Rebel Alliance on their missions.</p><p>Maul was rather grateful for the break in mediocrity these missions offered and his occasional opportunity to teach Ezra to hone his true strength was often the only thing he looked forward to aside from the revenge the chosen one potentially offered.</p><p>Aside from that, things had gotten rather confusing in the past year.</p><p>There had always been a great deal of respect that Maul held for Obi-Wan; his battle skills and strength in the Force were impressive, after all.  This was something Maul found difficult to make sense of, when pitted against the fact that Obi-Wan tended, now more than ever, to not use that strength for anything.  Because of that, the two of them clashed the most on one particular subject: complacency.</p><p>The subject was a difficult one to talk through, for both Force users.  Neither would be able to say that they hadn't made quite a lot of choices in their lives that led to ignorance, deliberate or not.  Neither would be able to say they wanted to continue making choices in the same vein.  Still, their methods of coping with that past and changing in the present were radically different.</p><p>It was Obi-Wan's decision to watch over the chosen one with little to no interference until fate came to collect him, and there were many reasons why this seemed the correct path to him.  To begin with, he had been instructed to do so - though that alone would never be enough.  Adding on top of that was his own life experience; Anakin should not have been trained as he was.  Obi-Wan did not intend to take another apprentice, it would only endanger Luke and give away their position, and Obi-Wan had already proved that he was unable to teach others how not to give in to the dark side.  It would simply do more harm than good to try training Luke, especially now that he was a teenager.</p><p>It was Maul's protest that they ought instead to begin the chosen one's training as soon as possible.  Maul knew Sideous very well, he'd known him most of his life, and there was simply no getting around the immense power the Sith Lord possessed.  Regardless of how powerful the chosen one may end up being, Sideous had many abilities that could only be attained through training, intelligence, and endless ambition.  In spending so much time chasing after Obi-Wan, Maul had done nothing as Sideous' power grew beyond imagination.  As far as he was concerned, allowing Luke to fight Sideous without training him first would be equivalent to handing him over to the Emperor as a Life-day gift.</p><p>That said, Maul did not intend to train Luke himself, so he was simply left frustrated at Obi-Wan's reluctance to engage.  It seemed as though there was nothing he could do about it, but Maul was not someone who gave up.  Too much was it risk.  If Luke did not succeed, then there would be no hope of ever getting revenge on Sideous, and Maul absolutely could not allow that under any circumstance, much less a circumstance he was involved in creating.</p><p>This was going to be the worst experience of his life, he already decided.  He hadn't even begun the plan, and yet it was already a living nightmare.  Just the thought made Maul feel sick.  But he'd run all the calculations over in his head as many times as he could, meditated on it, gave it time to develop into something else, and this was all he had if he wanted Sideous' death.</p><p>When Maul returned from a mission for the Rebel Alliance and found Obi-Wan meditating on the ground, he steeled himself.</p><p>"Kenobi.  I want you to instruct me in the ways of the Jedi and the light side of the Force."</p><p>Obi-Wan immediately broke out of his trance, staring blankly up at his old enemy and blinking a few times before squinting at him incredulously.  "Any power you hope to gain using the light side of the Force will not come to a mind clouded by ambition."</p><p>Taking a deep breath,  Maul stepped over the threshold and sat on the floor, mirroring Obi-Wan's position perfectly.  If this didn't work, he was never going to live it down.  In fact, he was never going to live it down, even if it did.  Drastic times called for humiliating measures, though.  Maul had been through quite a lot, and surely he could live through this.  "'<em>There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.  There is no passion, there is serenity.  There is no chaos, there is harmony.  There is no death, there is the Force.'  </em>All I know of the Jedi are pretty words and promises of keeping the peace; expansive weaknesses that amounted to nothing, in the end.  Nothing, but you."</p><p>Maul slowly closed his eyes, allowing his mind to open to Obi-Wan.  Just enough to let him see how he perceived Obi-Wan; powerful, witty, intelligent, beautiful and perfect in every way except for that he followed the Jedi code and was, as a result, emotionally muted and perhaps silenced often enough that his unwillingness to speak in a straightforward or honest way developed as a defense.  Still, even now that he has grown old and has been weighed down by terrible things, he follows his code and it never compromises his strength.</p><p>Sensing that Obi-Wan had received the information he wanted him to receive and retreated, Maul comfortably allowed his mind to close back up, though his defenses stayed on the lower side, to project a feeling of trust.  "I have no interest in how the Jedi taught their Padawans.  They are dead.  Tell me of the Jedi ways, as you interpreted them.  Sway me to the light side of the Force."</p><p>Instinctively, Obi-Wan thought that was a terrible idea.  However, once he searched his feelings, he found that the instinct was not from his attunement to the Force, but rather a mistrust of Maul's intentions.  He just doesn't understand what Maul stands to gain from it.  The light side of the Force is not about gaining things, and one cannot use it for unintended purposes, it isn't even possible.  More than likely, Maul would make an attempt and fail miserably, and then blame it on his teaching or the illogic of the Jedi code as a whole.</p><p>The Force had something else to say, though.  Maul had let him into his mind, and Obi-Wan had felt so many things that he didn't expect- positive things that, if allowed to, could potentially prosper into truth and balance.  Granted, those things were a bit hard to see through all the resentment and hatred, but that particular fog was oddly thin in some areas.  Perhaps Maul truly did want to understand.</p><p>Certainly, there wasn't much to lose.</p><p>With a healthy amount of caution to allow Maul to change his mind, Obi-Wan leaned forward the slightest bit, placing his hands atop Maul's.  "Very well.  I will teach you."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story is so Maul-centric because I'm gay.  also I don't know just how ooc they are ??</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The truth is often what we make of it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Training as a Jedi, under Obi-Wan's instruction at least, seemed thus far to be little more than attunement, meditation, and anger management.</p><p>Maul supposes he expected training as a Jedi to be different from Sith, but the reality of it was that if he wanted his plan with Obi-Wan to work, then he was going to need to make a lot of fundamental adjustments in as short a time as possible.  Essentially, he must open his mind to specific weaknesses and allow himself to be guided directly toward something completely new.</p><p>It was easy to open his eyes during meditation to look at Obi-Wan and feel the familiar tug of violence and hatred seep into his being.  This was not how he wanted things to go.  Never in his life had he allowed himself to fall this far, but his options were greatly limited, and this was the only way he could be avenged.  Maul would not settle for Obi-Wan's death, it would not bring justice to his brothers and sisters.</p><p>Eyes closed and breath steady, Maul reached out for Obi-Wan through the Force, immediately receiving a response.</p><p>Instantly, Maul could feel Obi-Wan gauging his mental state, his intentions, some of his memories.  It felt like a string yanked out his core of fire and energy and then lowered in a new one that was different, cold and empty.  His whole body was shocked from the chill, but nothing about anything had really changed.  For just a moment, Maul's breaths no longer felt tired or forced, only present.</p><p>As they continued to form a bond, Maul began to hear Obi-Wan's voice, though he knew no actual speaking was involved.</p><p>
  <em>"I know what you intend to do, Maul.  You cannot manipulate me to your point of view.  You will gain nothing from this."</em>
</p><p><em>"Surely," </em> Maul thought back at him, <em>"we've known each other for long enough that you know I can achieve the impossible."</em></p><p>Several moments passed as Obi-Wan considered the truth of that statement.  <em>"Your pride is one of many hinderances to your progress.  I will aid your attempt to do good, but I feel deeply the dark side's hold on you.  It bleeds you.  You are afraid of being weak, and you use the passion of that fear to build strength, but the way of the Jedi is not to be afraid at all.  Strength is not to be seen as a goal to be worked toward, nor is it something you need.  You must let go."</em></p><p>It wasn't possible for Maul to do that.  The concept of letting go of hatred would have to mean ceasing to exist.  Maul's life had taught him very well that when no one is on his side and he is beaten down until he no longer has any right to keep living, his hatred will always be the only thing that will keep him going.  No matter how tiring it may be to hate so much all the time, it was truly the only option he had.</p><p>Even if he wanted to let go of it, he wouldn't have anything to replace that deep sense of meaning with.</p><p>Maul gazed down, his hands holding Obi-Wan's in a loose grip.  The Jedi was in meditation, and his eyes were closed, but Maul could feel himself being intimately observed in this moment nonetheless.  Something about the new connection they were forming was deeply uncomfortable.  In many ways, Obi-Wan had been somewhat the center of his universe for more than half his life, but it had all been unseen until now.  His anger, his regard; it had belonged to him, been his to keep and use to motivate, another tool to use to get stronger.  Allowing Obi-Wan to know the true extent of their bond was letting him in on a secret that Maul never intended to share with anyone, perhaps not even himself if the need had not arisen.</p><p>Unfortunately, Maul could also see how Obi-Wan had always seen him.  It wasn't surprising, in fact it was precisely how he thought he wanted Obi-Wan to feel, though it was highly unpleasant to actually experience, for reasons that were unclear.  The contrast was a bit much.  Despite the hurt and respect they both held for one another, Maul's emotions were drastic and intense- overpowering when mingling with Obi-Wan's fairly collected view.</p><p>The connection began to spill out.  Desperately, Maul wanted to be on even ground with Obi-Wan, but they simply were not.  He felt so many things toward Obi-Wan and instinctively needed that to be returned.  In a plea to understand why Obi-Wan wouldn't just feel something back, he held on and pushed deeper into their bond for answers that weren't there.</p><p>Finally, Obi-Wan looked up, his eyes meeting Maul's with a pointed expression. <em>"Let go, Maul.  You are allowing your feelings to cloud your mind and get in the way of the very truths you seek.  I am not hiding from you."</em></p><p>With a careful breath, Maul nodded in ascent, remembering what he's been instructed him to do when he felt too much at once, trying to ground himself in the present and feeling the force flow through and between them.  With a bit of a step back from it, Maul could see now that the connection had become uneven.  He'd pushed his intentions at Obi-Wan and tried to yank intentions back toward him instead of allowing them to naturally circle back around.  This time, he patiently allowed their bond enough space to be.</p><p>Obi-Wan certainly had no shortage of feelings on the subject of Maul.  There was a powerful sense of something that Maul knew to have once been pity but had transformed into something of a more genuine compassion and understanding.  Much of the emotion Obi-Wan felt about Maul was projected haphazardly as an image of a perpetually irritated wound shared by them both.  Perhaps Maul would have found that to be insulting or amusing if he weren't too emotionally vulnerable at the moment to see it as anything but entirely accurate.  To Obi-Wan, <em>who</em> caused those wounds and <em>why</em> were not important questions to ask anymore.  The only question that could matter now was; <em>Are either of them capable of healing?</em></p><p>Everything he'd thought about Obi-Wan before had been true, yes, but only on a surface level.  There was so much more to him, things he never would have actually understood without grasping the importance of perspective.  It wasn't that the emotions were absent, it was that they weren't in conflict with the Living Force.  Was that what peace was to Obi-Wan?  A fully symbiotic two-way acceptance between the Force and himself, rather than a one-way submission to its will?</p><p>Maul let out a soft gasp, breaking their direct connection but never looking away.  </p><p>It wasn't relevant right now.</p><hr/><p>After that particular meditation, training, and bonding session, it did not become easier for either of them to look upon the other.</p><p>Obi-Wan hadn't had any issues with it in the past, but that changed suddenly and dramatically upon the formation of their Force Bond.  Maul could only gather from what he could feel from said bond that the intensity of it had been more than he'd been emotionally prepared for, and there was more to it beyond that, but it was being pushed down from inside.  Being more of one to assess and think first, Maul gave him time.  What it could be that Obi-Wan did not want to admit to even himself, Maul had yet to figure out- nor did he think he would manage to do so by asking directly.  Obi-Wan did have quite the history of speaking in half-truths and bending honesty when he wasn't ready for anything else.</p><p>Maul, on the other hand, had quite expected his greater understanding of Obi-Wan to lend naturally toward making his attention toward the Jedi less intense.  It was, after all, exhausting, to be so focused on someone you live with.  However, this was not at all the case.  Instead, the type of feelings just...changed.</p><p>No longer was he pushing down his hatred every time he looked at Obi-Wan, now he had an equally unsatisfiable swell of something much harder to deal with.  Gentle emotions were not something he'd learned to experience, so when they came, they mostly manifested by him wanting to teach, like with Ezra, or in this instance, to protect.  His odd feeling that he ought to protect Obi-Wan was extremely out of place and inappropriate for too many reasons to list.  But it was there.  Lingering and pulling him.  Idly, he theorized that the sensation was just a side-effect of forming a light side Force Bond.</p><p>It was not.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>oh my god they were roommates ??  they are now, I decided</p></blockquote></div></div>
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